i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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