She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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