I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
