Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
