I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
