dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
