someone owes me an orgasm
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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