Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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