I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
