I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
