I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
