Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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