I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
