So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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