Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need to calm my uterus...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
