Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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