Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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