I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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