i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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