Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
