dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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