it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
