Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
