just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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