I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
