When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You are a genius and a whore.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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