I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
