if you like me you must not know who I am
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
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He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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