I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
