Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
