Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
