My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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