how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
