An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
