saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I understand Curling. That high.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
