i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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