You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
