did you get engaged???
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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