my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
