He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
