I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Semen is not good for contacts.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
