Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
