I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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