It's Friday. Sex?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
