and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
