It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
