3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
