All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
