Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
