my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
