you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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