Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
