Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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