I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
