I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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