Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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