I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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