u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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