Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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