the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
