toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
