Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
