After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Drake has all the answers
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
