first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
