I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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