so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
