Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
