Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
