Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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