She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
