Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
