I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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